I knew you were special from the moment you were born
I held you in my arms and my heart felt so warm
Your eyes had a sparkle that just lit up your face
Your kindness and sweetness were never out of place

I'll protect you and love you and always keep you safe
I'll be there for you when you need me, just wait
I will try to be the best mother I can...
What happened to you was not in my plan

If only I could have, or if only I knew
I would have stopped this from happening to you
I just couldn't be there when you needed me most
I am so sorry Sara, nothing could ever be worse

You did not deserve such a tragic fate
This nightmare won't end, and that I just hate
Oh how I wish I could turn back time
But I know I can't so I must carry on...

You are the brightest star I see shining in the sky
You are the beautiful birds I see as they fly
You soar way above us with wings so wide
To embrace us all and be our angel guide

You are with me in everything and all that I do
Not a moment goes by that I don't think of you
You've touched so many lives with your sweetness and love
Happy Birthday to my sweet child in Heaven above

You are never far from me in my thoughts ~ I love you forever

Love,
Mom

How can it be?  August 2004

How can it be that almost a whole year has passed?
This raw, deep pain inside, how long will it last?
My heart aches for Sara each and every day
How do I heal? Please God show me the way

It has been way too long since I've seen her face
Her smile, her beauty, I can never replace
My heart still pounds when I remember the day
I got the phone call and God took her away

"There's been a tragic accident and Sara's involved"
Those fateful words I can never resolve
Oh why did I let her sleep out that night?
Why did those kids drive those atv's unsupervised, it's just not right

Now because of this my daughter is gone
She was only 13 years old, why did you let her get on?
You knew she didn't know how to drive the machine
Oh that's right, what am I thinking, you were only thirteen...

Only an adult would have known to say no
But the adults weren't there, where did they all go?
Their children were too young to be driving at all
and on the parents is where the responsibilities fall

No one can know this pain that we bear
Unless one day they find their child not there
Never again to walk through the door
Left with only memories of the child they adore

Anyone that knew Sara can understand when I say
She was one of a kind, special and unique in every way
She never liked to see anyone hurting or sad
She is still the light in the lives of her sisters, mom and dad

Our lives have changed so much since she's gone
We know for Sara's sake we must carry on
As hard as it is to live life without her by our side
We continue on with the hopes we'll see her when we die...

Until then we know she is with us in spirit
Still sending us signs letting know she is near us
Watching out for us in everything that we do
Sara, how lucky we are to have an Angel like you...

You were an Angel on earth and now an Angel above
You're in Heaven with family and friends that you love
I know now that you are in a much better place
And when my time comes I can't wait to see your face...

Sara,
 It seems to me that God places special angels on this earth and their job is to spread joy, happiness and love to as many people as possible. And you happened to be one of those special angels. Unfortunately for all of us left here on earth, your life was taken way too soon.  It is so hard to continue on without seeing your smiling face and feeling your hugs. But we have no choice.  I know you do not want us to be sad but it is very hard. I know you are looking down on those you love and helping us in our time of need. And that is such an important job which you were always so good at here on earth and continue on in Heaven. I love you forever and always and can’t wait to be with you when my time comes…………..

Love always and forever,
Mom

One Year Ago Today....Sept. 13, 2004       

One year ago today ~ the day the sun rose for the last time, the day Sara rose for the last time….  The words so clear in my head “your daughter is struggling, your daughter is not going to live”. My scream was loud – and raw – and uncontrollable.  Then shock set in ...

I went home, waiting for Duane to come home from Wisconsin.  Numb from shock, exhausted, knowing my life has changed forever. My heart pounding so hard …just wanting to sleep – opening my eyes hoping the nightmare would end…my heart pounding so hard…..

People answered the phone for me, people cooked for me, cleaned and did laundry for me.  My family and friends cared for me, when I just didn’t care. . All I could think was “where are you Sara?  I need to know where you are. I need to know if you are ok. Please don’t be scared…. All I want is for you to come home..  I know you will come home……"

Days pass, weeks pass,  months pass, reality sinks in.  Now I am angry, angry at God mostly.  “Why Sara?  Why couldn’t God stop this?  Why did He let her die?  Why couldn’t this God, who can do all things, have stopped this accident in an instant?  What have I done to deserve losing my child – why couldn’t He take my life instead?

Gradually I came to understand that God did not make this happen.  Accidents do happen, death comes to everyone, but God is not doing these things. He is allowing these things to happen because it is part of human nature.  He can’t stop it. He is suffering this pain and hurt with me….God can’t change anything that has happened . I realize now He is a compassionate and caring God and hurts just as much as I do……

But knowing this does not take the pain away….so I struggle, I cry, I scream, I walk around in circles, not knowing where to go or what to do.  Wanting Sara back so bad and not being able to do anything about it….such a helpless feeling.  One day at a time, that is all I can do. I can’t stop this, I can’t ignore this, it’s there. It doesn’t go away and all I can do is deal with it.  I have been wounded and don’t know how long it will take to heal….

One year ago today, Sara, the day you became an angel in Heaven..I try to understand what just isn’t understandable.  I read and read and read.  You know so much more than I know now. I do know that you wouldn’t want to see me fall apart….you don’t  want to see your family fall apart. So I will just put one foot in front of the other and try to keep things together the best I can because I know that will make you smile……

I love you always and forever,
Mom

Christmas,  2004

Dear Sara,

We put up your tree again this year. A tree of white lights with just Angels and butterflies.  We hung your stocking with all the rest and it will be full on Christmas mourning.  Candles will be lit all over the house for you and we will say the same special prayer for you that we said last year.

You will always be a part of our Christmas and we know that you will be near. But we also know that Christmas in Heaven is probably so much more meaningful and awesome than we could ever imagine. We can just picture you with your cousin Gregory, and your great grandparents and all your new friends. By now you are very comfortable with everyone and you know them well. You also know that pretty soon we will be there to join you. It may seem soon to you but to us it will seem like forever.  I know you are celebrating Christmas with Jesus, the One who Christmas is all about. What a celebration that must be!  I can imagine you telling us not to be sad that you are not physically here because where you are now is so much better. There is no sadness. There is no violence or mean people. There is no bad weather or sickness. It is all about Love. It is the place you always hoped earth could be like.  

As painful as it is not to have you here physically with us, we know that you’re life continues ~ in a much better place. And we will see you again. We know how much you love us and you know how much we love you. And that love will keep us together spiritually until we see you again in Heaven. Oh what a feeling that will be……………

We love you forever and always,
Mom, Dad, Amy and Laura


Happy 15th Birthday, Sara ~ March 15, 2005

When I think of you today, I will try not to cry
I will try to smile and stop asking why
Why God took you away at such a young age
Leaving whats left of my heart full of sadness and rage

Instead I will remember your beauty, your sweetness and your love
All the lives you have touched I know you're still touching from above
You lived life to the fullest in your short 13 years
Today all those happy memories will replace some of my tears

I know there is nothing at all I can do
To change this tragedy that has happened to you
I would give up my life to have you back for one day
To tell you the things I didn't have a chance to say

Although I will always have this pain while we're apart
I will always keep you safe and alive in my heart
I will continue on for the sake of your sisters and dad
I know you wouldn't want to see us so sad..

Happy Birthday Sweet Sara
Happy 15th birthday to you
You are with us in everything and all that we do
We know everyday is one day closer till we see you again
We will try to live our lives to make you proud until then...

Love forever and Always,
Mom, Dad, Amy and Laura

                          
Almost 2 years ~ August, 2005

Dearest Sara,

It’s been almost 2 years now since I’ve hugged you or seen your smiling face. I feel so empty inside but somehow I manage to get through the days. My strength comes from knowing that someday I will see you again. Everywhere I go I take you with me. When I am feeling down I think of you and what you would say to me.  You would tell me to stop worrying, that you’re ok. When I cry because I see a cheerleader or teenage girls laughing together and having fun you would say  “Mom, there are cheerleaders in Heaven and lots of fun things to do. I am doing it all, everything I could do on earth I am doing here in Heaven”.   I can hear you say, “Please mom, my sisters need you more than I need you right now. I am safe and happy in the light of God and Heaven and surrounded by only love.  You will be here with me someday and understand it all, but for now you need to stay strong for Amy and Laura.”  I pray every night that you walk this journey with us Sara ~ with your sister’s and dad, your grandparents, all your Aunts, Uncles, cousins and friends.  I pray that for you there is no separation, that you can be near us anytime you want. I know you will be here for us in our times of need. But I also pray that you are growing and learning in Heaven and basking in all the glory and joy of being in such a perfect place.  I pray that you feel the love we all have for you, a love that will never end. 

I sometimes imagine what it will be like when my time comes and I see you again. Only at that point will I feel complete again. Only at that point will I understand why this had to happen to you, my sweet girl who had such a bright future and so much love for everyone. Why did this have to happen to you Sara, such a beautiful girl who never had an unkind word to say about anyone, who loved life so much and lived it to the fullest.  To you Sara, who made everyone laugh and did not like to see anyone sad or mad, always willing to lend a helping hand to anyone who needed you.  I will never ever stop asking why but hope that someday I will be able to accept that God has a plan and He had a reason for wanting you Home so soon.  Until then you will forever be kept alive and safe in my heart and not a day will go by that I don’t think about you, talk to you, pray for you, and include you in everything I do. You are not only my daughter, you are my friend too and our bond of love and friendship will never die.  UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN…I will see you in my dreams……I miss you and love you so much…..

Dear Sara,

Two years ago this weekend God called you Home and our lives changed forever. As heartbroken and devastated as we feel today and everyday of our lives, we will try to remember all the good times and hold close in our hearts all the fond memories that we will treasure for the rest of our lives. We will celebrate your life as we know you would want us to. We will be thankful for the 13 years we had with you. You have been a wonderful daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin and friend and you are loved so much by all of us. We are so lucky to have had you and we miss you more than words can say. UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN….

Your loving family,

Mom, Dad, Amy and Laura

Here are just some of the many things I miss about you:

I miss your smile, your sweetness, your facial expressions, your randomness, your sense of humor, your constant cheering, your beautiful face, your kindness to everyone, our long talks, your hugs, your thoughtfulness, your beauty (inside and out), how you made me laugh, “middle-middle” time, how you cuddled in bed with me, your unconditional love for everyone, your flexibility, your toe touch, your sensitivity, your confidence in yourself, how I called you “Teardrops Rose”, your eyeliner J, your creativity, your silliness, how you always protected and took such good care of Laura, your love of life, your dedication and commitment to what you believed in, your love of monkeys (Amy and Laura cuddle with your monkeys every night), your love of trampolines, chocolate chip pancakes, tinkerbell, Jimmy Buffet, playing cards, goldfish crackers.

I miss hearing your laughter, hearing you tell a joke, the light and sparkle in your eyes, your never-ending energy, how you loved to write stories (you never did get to finish your book), watching you cheer at cheerleading competitions and basketball games, watching you dance and do acro at your dance recitals, your undying dedication to your friends and family, how you would laugh at me for making you hug yourself when you were feeling down, your faith in God and how you always made the sign of the cross when you drove by our church, the time and effort you put into scrap booking,  how you always looked up to and defended Amy, how you wanted to someday own a wedding planning business (you loved to be surrounded by happiness and love), how you always called me while you were out just to say hi.
 
I miss those silly messages you would leave on my voicemail, your love of video cameras and making home movies, your love of Maine and how someday you hoped to own a big house on the beach in Maine where all your friends could live together, how you loved to rough-house with your dad but would always come to me for some TLC, how angry you would get to see any injustice, how much you hoped for world peace, how you wished you could feed and clothe every poor and starving child in the world, how much you loved children and already had names for your own, I miss watching you while you sleep and softly kissing your cheek ….Thank you for these memories Sara,  thank you for being you….

Our 3rd Thanksgiving without you, 2005

Sara,

As Thanksgiving day approaches my heart becomes heavier and I wonder how I will get through my third Thanksgiving without you. I’ve always thought Thanksgiving was a day to reflect on all the blessings in my life and a day to be grateful to God for all He has given me. How can I truly be thankful for my blessings now after losing you, after losing a huge part of my heart and feeling this constant void forever in my soul? Trying hard to appear calm and okay on the outside while crying so hard on the inside is not getting any easier, in fact it gets harder as time goes on.  I guess I should be thankful for what I still have left in my life, like Amy and Laura who are still physically here with me, Dad who loves me no matter what and somehow manages to put up with me and all our extended family and friends who care and do all they can to get me through the tough times.  But this hole in my heart still remains, the empty seat at family gatherings is still there and the memories of how you always got so excited over having homemade Tortellini soup at your Aunt and Uncles house on Thanksgiving day are all just painful reminders of what I have not to be thankful for. 

So as I go through another Thanksgiving without you I will try to remember what I have left to be thankful for.  I will be grateful to God for allowing me to have you for 13 years even though I will never understand why He couldn’t stop this accident or give you a second chance. Those 13 years  were the best 13 years of my life. I will also be thankful that I have been given the strength to make it this far without you in my physical life. I really don’t know how I do it, I just don’t know….  But most of all I want to thank you Sara for all the times you let me know that you are okay and still very much a part of my life, even though I can’t see or hear you.  I pray everyday that I continue to feel your presence and love until the day I die when I will be able to see you, hear you, and touch you again. Until we meet again, you are forever carried in my heart wherever I go and whatever I do....

I love you,
Mom 

CHRISTMAS 2005

Dear Sara,

Christmas is here again and how I dread spending another Christmas without you. Christmas will never be the same. Life will never be the same. These are my hopes and wishes for Christmas, 2005.

 Sara, I hope that your 3^rd Christmas in Heaven is everything you want it to be, full of laughter and fun, celebration and cheer. I hope you are surrounded by family and friends and you are doing what you do best, making everyone smile. I hope you receive all the gifts you need in Heaven; gifts of love, peace, happiness, friendship and knowledge.  I hope that you get to see Jesus on His special day and if you do, please ask him to send strength and comfort to your family and friends here.  I am sure He knows how busy we keep you, always asking you to watch over us. I hope that you continue to watch over us just like you did on earth.  I hope that you are with us on Christmas Eve and Christmas day even though we may not be able to see or hear you. I hope you can see your special Christmas tree and hear us when we talk about our wonderful memories with you.  I hope that you are able to read all the special messages that we put in your stocking and that you are right here with us as we exchange gifts and eat Christmas dinner. I hope your sisters and your cousin Matt feel your presence on Christmas Eve and that you are still a part of their yearly tradition of staying up all night and talking about….who knows what. I hope that you and your cousin Gregory have started your own traditions in Heaven.  I hope that you can travel to Maine and visit your cousins Philip, Carolyn and Peter and give them each one of your special angel kisses before they fall asleep. I hope you know how many people from all over the world have gotten to know you and have been so touched by visiting your website. I hope you can see and read all the candles and tributes and the emails I receive from parents of young children thanking me for sharing your story and opening their eyes to the dangers of ATV’s.  I will continue to do all I can to get the word out because even being able to save one child’s life I know would make you proud and happy.  I hope that you can hear me when I talk to you everyday and that you always remember how loved and missed you are by the many people whose lives you have touched in such a special way.

I wish this accident never happened and our lives were back to normal. I wish I could stop replaying the events of that evening over and over and over again in my mind, as if I could change the outcome of what happened. I wish I could wake up from this long nightmare that just doesn’t seem to end.  I wish there were some kind of 1-800 CALL HEAVEN # I could call so you could answer all my questions and I could hear your sweet voice. I wish that when I receive emails that say  “make a wish and send this to 5 people and your wish will come true”  that my wish for you to walk through the door really would come true .  I wish that when I close my eyes every night you would come to me in my dreams and talk to me and when I wake up I could feel you in my arms. I wish I could get a little glimpse of where you are, who you are with and what you are doing. It is so hard for me to comprehend something that I cannot see. I wish my faith could become really strong so I could know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are ok.  You are my child, I need to know for sure that you are ok!  I wish I could trust God enough to stop asking Him “Why did this happen to Sara, why Sara, WHY???” I wish I could find some kind of healthy outlet for all these emotions that swirl around inside of me that no one else can see. The best I can do now is write them all down and like the song says “these words are my diary screaming out loud…if I get them all down on paper they are no longer inside of me”…. I wish and hope that someday I can work through this pain and I could become everything you want me to be so I can make you proud.  I want you to be happy and if it makes you sad to see me cry then I wish I could stop crying. I love you so much Sara and I wish I could hold you one more time.  I would never let go….Merry Christmas in Heaven, Sara. You are always kept alive in my heart and soul and I carry you wherever I go……

Love always and forever,

Mom

Dear Sara, 

It is so heart breaking to have to spend another holiday without you here with us. When I think about all our Easters together and all the memories of those happier days I just want them back so bad. I just want you back so bad!  I remember when you and your sisters were little you would put on your new Easter dresses and spin around in circles to make sure they twirled. Those Easter dresses just had to twirl!!  You loved to hear your little patent leather Easter shoes tapping on the tile floor. Coloring the Easter eggs was always such a big production. I never had the patience to color and decorate the eggs because, as you know, I am not a patient person (which is the reason why I have so much trouble waiting to see you again) and  also because it was always such a mess and I could never get the colors right. So dad had the important job of sitting with the 3 of you and helping you decorate your eggs just the way you wanted. You each had your own special eggs and the "Easter bunny" would hide them pretty well the next morning. I will treasure the memories of watching the three of you running around Easter morning searching for the eggs, always leaving that one behind that the Easter bunny hid a little too well. Breakfast on Easter morning was always hard boiled eggs and chocolate candy. As you got older your Easter dresses became less "twirly" and coloring the Easter eggs was a little less dramatic. But you and Amy were determined to keep the tradition going for Laura who at that time still liked the twirly dresses and the perfect Easter eggs. On Easter morning you would pretend not to see a lot of the hidden eggs so Laura would have the thrill of finding most of them. You loved to see her get so excited. 

Now I wonder what Easter is like for you in Heaven. I wonder if there are Easter eggs, bunnies and twirly dresses. I can't even imagine what it must be like to see or to at least be near Jesus during Easter season. What a celebration that must be! Easter season reminds me to believe in miracles and that life does not end with death, but death is a rebirth into a place with such beauty and magnificence that I could never imagine it with my earthly mind. I am reminded  to have faith in the things I cannot see and I know that eventually I will be there with you when it is my time to leave here. Sara, however you spend your Easter in Heaven, I hope you are just as happy as you were when you were physically here with us. You will always be a part of our holidays, even if we cannot see you. 

Happy Easter Sara, thank you for all the wonderful Easter memories. We love you with all our hearts and souls. I would give my life to have you back here with us. Until we are together again, please keep watching over us and keep giving those little signs now and then to let us know you are near. 

We Love You Always and Forever,
Mom, Dad, Amy and Laura  

September 2006

On September 13th 2006, it will be three years since Sara’s been gone. Three years is such a long time when you are missing someone so much…..

To everyone who knew Sara, think back to the last time you were with her, how she made you feel, what she said to you, what she was doing, what she was wearing, etc. When you think of this you will smile, you will feel her presence and it will take the distance away. This last memory is usually the most vivid, so you will begin to feel her alive again in your heart and it will bring a rush of memories back that sometimes, as time goes on, seem to feel further away. It doesn’t matter how long ago it was or how old she was when you were last with her. Even if you only met her once (which is all it took to fall in love with her) just think of the last time you were with Sara and that memory will bring back everything you loved about her and will certainly warm your heart….

At times when I feel like Sara is so far away I think back to the last night I was with her. She was riding in the passenger seat of my car talking on her cell, laughing, being silly, looking beautiful, she was wearing a t-shirt, shorts and her favorite sandals. She was so happy, so full of life and everything was going so great for her. When I dropped her off she got out of the car and then came back in to give me a quick kiss on the cheek and she told me she loves me. My last words to her were I love you too. Now, when I drive my car I look at the passenger seat and I can see Sara so vividly just as she looked that night right before I dropped her off. I can hear her sweet voice, her laughter, and I can see her beautiful face. That warm feeling I always had when I was with her comes back, along with the memory of how she always made me smile. Even though I have 13 ½ years of wonderful memories with Sara, for some reason it is the last moments I spent with her that bring all those other memories back…

Even if you never had the chance to meet Sara you will eventually feel as if you've known her your whole life by just reading through her website.... I will never understand why Sara had to leave us so soon but I do know that her life continues on, in a much better place. Sara was and always will be a unique and precious gem who is loved beyond words and will never be forgotten.

Sara, it is so hard to move ahead without you here in our physical lives but we know that you are our biggest cheerleader. We know you are cheering us on from your home in heaven as we try our best to live the rest of our lives to make you proud. Until we are together again our love for you continues to grow with each passing day. We’ll see you in heaven sweetie….

September 13, 2007- I miss you more than ever

Dear Sara,

It is so hard for me to believe it’s been 4 years since that horrible day, the day when everything in my life crashed and my whole world caved in. I am trying really hard to fix my life because I know that is what you want but I have trouble facing the fact that my life will never be the same. I want things the way they used to be and that just can’t happen. It is so hard for me to accept that reality. The other night I took a walk and I tried to remember what my life was like 4 years ago before you left. I tried to remember what I was like 4 years ago. I couldn’t remember. I know I was a lot happier, carefree and social but I don’t remember how it felt to be that way. I feel as if I have been carrying this heavy weight of sadness around for so long and I can’t remember life without it.

I do remember one day when God allowed me to have a quick moment of remembering…by helping me to forget. About a year ago I was walking past Laura sitting on the couch. She was watching TV wrapped in your favorite Green Bay blanket that you always snuggled in while you watched TV. She was sitting in the same position you always sat in. As I walked past I glanced quickly at her and I thought she was you. Not just that she looked like you, I actually thought she was you. I just continued walking by thinking “oh, there she is”, totally forgetting about what happened to you. It was as if you have always been here. For that split second my body felt lighter and I felt an inner calmness that was vaguely familiar. But just as quickly as I felt that, the feeling was gone. I came back to reality and immediately felt the heaviness and sadness that have become so much a part of who I am now. It was only after that quick moment that I realized the amount of continuous emotional pain I live with everyday of my life. I know it will always be there, time will never take that pain away, but in these 4 years I have somehow learned to function a little better with it. I will never feel “normal” again and I have to learn to live this “new normal” as best I can. I have no choice. It’s a challenge I will be living with the rest of my life. I thank God for that quick moment of “forgetting” because that helped me remember how it felt to be whole again. And I thank you Sara for guiding me through all my life’s challenges. I know you will continue to guide me because I have so much more to learn. You have never left my side, and I know you never will.

I also want you to know that you have such amazing friends who still keep in touch with me, send me pictures, email me and visit your site. You have forever left an impact on their lives and I know as they move on this year and graduate high school, some already have, there will always be a place in their hearts that only you can fill. They will carry you with them wherever they go in life. You live on forever Sara, through all of us! I know you are helping us with our trials here on this earth, and even though you can’t stop things from happening, you are right there with us when we need you most. I miss you more than ever and I love you so much Sara, your whole family loves you, you still amaze us, you still make us proud. I will see you in Heaven sweetie...

Christmas 2007

Dear Sara,

Christmas is here once again and as usual I will put on my mask and try to make it through another Christmas without you. My body feels so weak, my bones hurt and I feel like I am coming down with the flu. I feel like this every year at Christmas time. I just want to sink into my bed and disappear and not wake up until the “excitement” of the season is over. But I can’t stop, I need to keep going because I know that is what you want me to do. It hurts so much Sara, and it never gets easier. I know that you are still alive in Heaven and you are in such a beautiful place but it is so hard to see past this material world. I can’t imagine what Heaven is like, what everyone looks like in Heaven. Does everyone look just as they looked on earth? I want so bad to know what heaven is like Sara, but I won't know until I get there. That seems so far away. I guess I will have to continue to live on faith until then, I have to believe what I can’t see. But I want so much to see Heaven, I want to see you!! That is all I want for Christmas. And that will be all I want for the rest of my days here on this earth. Every day feels like an eternity without you in it.

Sara, this Christmas I want you to know that your presence will be felt by all of us, just like it is everyday. Every where in our house there is a reminder of you. Your pictures hang on every wall, your bedroom walls are covered with posters that all your friends made for you. Scrapbooks with pictures and beautiful sentiments written by your friends, family, teachers and acquaintances are also in your room. I cry every time I read them. Dad decorated your backyard tree so beautifully this year and every year we add something new to it. Your tree grows bigger and stronger every year, just like our love for you. On Christmas Eve candles will be lit all over the house, your stocking will hang on the fireplace with everyone else’s, your special Christmas tree with all the angels and butterflies will shine brightly as usual. As we gather around the Christmas tree to open gifts we will remember the greatest gift of all, the gift of your love. A love that is always with us, a love that can never die. Thank you Sara for loving us so much and thank you for the best 13 ½ years of our lives. Merry Christmas in Heaven Sara… we love you more than words can ever express, we miss you more and more each day, you are always in our arms, our hearts, our minds. There is never a moment when you are not a part of our lives….

Love Always and Forever,
Mom, Dad, Amy and Laura

Happy 18th Birthday Sara

March 15th, 1990
It was 3:00 am on March 15, 1990 when I felt my first contraction. I knew it was the real thing because that was the day I wanted you to be born, on your Nanny’s birthday. I slept on the couch that night because I was having trouble sleeping and did not want to wake Dad. I stayed up from 3am until 5am just timing my contractions. I was so calm and relaxed. I wrote Nanny a long note on what to do with Amy while I was in the hospital. At 5:00 am I went in to wake Dad and told him he won’t be going to work today. My contractions were about 5 minutes apart. Nanny immediately woke up when she heard Dad and I talking. I went in to take a shower while Dad called the doctor. Nanny could not believe I was in the shower shaving my legs while having contractions. But I was feeling so calm and did not want to have nubby legs when I gave birth. When we left for the hospital I kissed Nanny goodbye and told her “happy birthday”. We arrived at the hospital around 6:00 am. The nurse told me I was 3 centimeters dilated and to walk around for an hour to help the contractions become stronger. By 7:00am the contractions were very strong and at
8:08am you were born. Dad cut the umbilical cord and when they laid you on my stomach I thought to myself, you look so “complete” , like you were already a couple of months old. We stared at each other as if we knew each other forever and at that moment I fell in love. What a special treasure God blessed me with on this beautiful March day. I thank God for the 13 ½ years he gave me with you. Your life was all about happiness and love. You lived, you loved and you laughed. You lived more life and touched more people in those 13 ½ years than most can do in a lifetime. I know you are continuing to live, love and laugh in Heaven because I can’t possibly imagine you any other way.
And now on what would be your eighteenth birthday I am still unable to comprehend or accept the fact that I will never see you again in this life. My insides scream for you, my heart aches to see you again. I constantly long for your touch, to see your beautiful face and to once again feel the warmth and love you brought into my life. I keep replaying that horrible night over and over again in my mind trying to change the ending. But nothing changes. Nothing will ever bring you back. I am so sorry that you are not here to celebrate your 18th birthday. You know that your accident was not your fault and everyone else knows that too. The only people who blame you (and God) are the Fina’s, the people who were justly found negligent and responsible for your death. Very sad for them that they can’t face the truth, but they are the ones who have to live with themselves and face their fate. In the meantime, your honorable name will live on forever Sara and you will be saving so many lives. Parents will now have to be responsible for their actions. I am just so sorry it had to be you to teach this lesson. The fact that you will be able to save others I know makes you very happy and proud. We are very proud of you Sara, and always will be. When my time comes to leave this world I will have a smile on my face because I know you will be there to welcome me home.

Stay extra close to Nanny and keep her strong as she goes through another birthday without you. Stay close to all of us Sara, we need you. We know you are taking good care of us and we thank you for that. We hope you have a great birthday celebration in Heaven with your cousin Gregory, your boyfriend Mikey, and all your other family and friends. While you are celebrating in Heaven, we will be celebrating your life here on earth. We miss you Sara, we love you and we can’t wait to see you again… Happy 18th Birthday sweetie...